What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Do you know what she said mum?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

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What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

True - how I loved my mum!

Why do Democrats call any Republican "Magats", like they are subhuman?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

My waist finally looks like how it did before I had kids but I didn’t lose weight. Why am I still 15 lbs from my starting weight?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

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She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

What do you mean son?

What! how could you do that?

Why do we typically sing songs during Christmas instead of other holidays like Easter or Thanksgiving?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”